This fall our oldest daughter began middle school soccer. Our son began his second year of town soccer. The youngest is not participating in any sports.
Our oldest is playing clarinet for the second year. Our other two children do not play any instruments (yet). The oldest attends our church’s middle school youth group. The younger two participate in a monthly kids’ event.
This is their extra curricular life.
How did we arrive here?
How did we decide what to say yes and no to?
Is there a magic formula?
I want to share with you our methods for determining what activities our children participate in. It’s not a magic formula, but it works for us! It might just work for you, too!
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Priorities
In a post I wrote at the very start of my blog, I shared the 4 traits of the Not So Busy Mom. One of those traits is the Not So Busy Mom considers her priorities. When you know and name your priorities, decisions become a whole lot easier. There is clarity because you’re not just making choices without much thought or reason. So we consider our priorities when choosing extra curricular activities. You can do the same.
If family time is a priority, then extra activities will be limited. If developing skills in a variety of areas is a priority, then more time will be give to numerous extra curricular activities. If church life is a priority, then church activities will take precedence over non-church activities. If getting involved in the community is important then more time will be given for opportunities within your surrounding neighborhood.
In our family, slower & simple living is a priority, so we choose to delay some of the activities that others might start earlier in a child’s life. For example, my oldest started soccer at age 10. For many people, that is considered too old and too late for starting a sport. We feel otherwise, and we are happy she is still enjoying soccer in what is now her second season.
When you know your priorities you are not swayed by others’ opinions, and you can make choices that are best for your child and for your family.
Conversation
With your child
Take some time to talk with your child prior to signing up for and paying for activities. Let them share what they might be interested in, but you must also take time to share your thoughts. I realize that many parents think children know just what they want to do and how they want to do it. This is your opportunity to hear them and listen well, but it is also your opportunity to share your perspective and insight.
During these conversations, always remember to ask questions. Some questions to consider asking are: “Why are you interested in this activity?” “Do you think you can balance homework and practice time?” “What do you think we should do if you decide you want to quit this activity?”
Before beginning school soccer, my husband and I had a few short conversations with my daughter. We let the subject matter rest for a few days, and then we had a couple longer conversations and made sure she was feeling certain about her desire to play fall soccer.
These conversations can be easy to gloss over, but I think it’s important to have them. Have them if you think you already know what your child wants to do. Have them if you think they’re too old (or too young) to have these discussions. Have them.
With your spouse
It’s really the parents that take on a lot of the responsibility when it comes to their children participating in activities. If your children are under the driving age, you’re the driver. How much time do you want to commit each week to driving your child (or children) from activity to activity? How much time does your spouse want to commit? Do both parents feel comfortable with the decisions being made?
Yes, I believe children have a voice and should use it, but ultimately, you are the parent. Take the step in fulfilling that role and truly talk through and work through the practical aspects of having a child take part in extra activities.
My husband and I have ongoing conversations about what and how much our children will participate in. Again, it’s easy to think these conversations aren’t needed (or maybe you find them difficult), but they are important; you’ll be glad you made the choice to have these discussions!
Room for Change
Just because you’ve been on activity overload for the last several years doesn’t mean that has to continue. Just because your child has never participated in anything doesn’t mean you can’t try something new. Just because your child has always played baseball doesn’t mean they can’t join the track team instead.
There is room for change. Make room for change. Keep the conversations flowing. Check in with your child. Check in with your spouse. Don’t let the schedule control you. You control the schedule.
Breathing Room
You know that the Not So Busy Mom has to end with this one. Can I give a little advice? In the midst of all you might choose to put on your calendar, make some space for breathing room.
Breathing room is not popular. Breathing room is not what everyone at the bus stop is talking about. Breathing room is not what you hear about on Back to School Night when they share all the extra-curricular options for kids (and their families).
But you, you can be the one to start a new trend. You can be the one to push past what everyone else might be saying or doing. You can make room to breath.
I promise, you’re kids will thank you.
What about you? How do you decide which activities your child (or children) take part in? I’d love to hear your methods and thoughts, so leave a comment below!
Until next time,
Charissa
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Loved hearing your perspective on this! Appreciate the inisight.